Now my family is off of the mission field. I still sort of homeschool myself, but I have a few outside classes, and we go to a real church for the first time in my life. I've mostly gotten over the shock of being the only one in youth group who brings a Bible, but I still have mini-heart-attacks sometimes when I realize what the majority's opinion is on certain topics. Topics like guys.
I read a book by Grace Dove once called Secrets About Guys. Basically, the book outlines the way that a godly young woman ought to act in order to attract a godly young man, and that was the main problem I had with the book.
At its root this is the same issue that pops up in my sunday school class every so often, the idea that every other christian teen seems to have subscribed to. It is the belief that it is a young woman's job to find for herself the man that God has set aside for her to marry. According to this vein of thought, she must decide for herself what type of young man she would like, and then she must put herself in a place where she is most likely to meet him and act in a way most assured to attract him.
How very wrong! How very unlike what we are called to do! This idea is like a sickness!
Whose job is it to "make our paths straight"? God's. What is our job? Our job is to follow hard after God and to seek God's will for our lives; the same calling everyone has. Our job is to become more like Jesus every day.
So then what about marriage? How do I intend find my mate if I'm not looking for one? Well, I'm glad you asked! (I promise I'm almost done) If marriage is God's will for my life, which I'm assuming it is, then following God's will is the very best thing that I can do in order to meet him. It all comes down to trusting God.
It's not that absurd of an idea, is it? And yet the last few times I've played the voice of reason in my sunday school class (which I should do much more often) I've gotten nothing but blank looks.
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So then what is the accomplished young lady to do about guys? I used to think that she ought to do nothing, and I still do, but now I understand how difficult that is.
Most of my life has been lived independent of guys. I can't pretend that I don't think about Frederick Wentworth every so often, but the idea of me in a relationship seems far away. I have few guy friends, and no real ones; I don't have a crush, or even a celebrity crush; I just don't think about guys very often. But now that I'm in classes and go to youth group and have my first few guy Facebook friends, I'm thrust into a world of insecurity. A world of wanting to be loved and admired, and wanting to do all that I can to attract the type of guy that I'd like to end up with, and any other guy that I come across for that matter.
Apparently just not thinking about guys is not going to work. I hold to the idea that dating is stealing from God the love and emotional energy that belongs to him, but the thoughts are still there.
I won't lie though, guys never notice me. Actually, never is a strong word, but barely ever, and when one finally does I'm almost offended because it's the most random, borderline-insane guy of the group. I've begun to embrace that as a blessing. I've begun to pray as I go to classes and youth group that guys would continue to ignore me, continue to find me unattractive or intimidating or whatever it is that makes them avoid me like the plague. These are my first small steps to getting my heart and mind refocused on what's important and to surrendering my right to be noticed.
If that's all a bit convoluted to you then you know exactly how I feel! but no matter what I always come back to Matt 6:33 -
"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."*
*New Living Translation
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