Well, dear blog, it has been a while, hasn't it? 2 years, to be exact. I have come back for you though, my long-lost friend.
Reading through these old posts, I feel like an entirely different person.... still young, still a thinker, a question-asker, and an explorer (of sorts)... but I have grown up. How about a quick update?
I have become a lady.
Not the lady that I will be, or the lady that I hope to be, but a lady nonetheless. These past two years I have become content with myself. I understand who God made me to be, and I *dare I say it?* like her. Now, do not misunderstand me: there is much improvement to be made, but I am trusting God to make them, in His timing. I have learned to relax and wait. Rome wasn't built in a day.
I know my Savior Yahweh in a way that I never have before. I feel as though I am just scratching the surface, but slowly he is allowing me to discover Him. Never have I been on adventure like this one.
I have been given a man. (for now at least)
God taught me self-control last year through my friendship with a certain young man. (Further more this "certain young man" shall be referred to as "Homeboy") Over that year, specifically the spring, God "refined my pining heart." I built so many altars, and surrendered so many hopes and desires that year, but last summer, to my utter surprise, He gave them back. Homeboy, in his usual respectful way, talked to my father, and we embarked on the adventure of courtship.
"Courtship" sounds so lame to me and immediately infers pressure and awkward side hugs, so we ditched that title, and about two months ago, Homeboy became my boyfriend. We have constructed a courting-dating hybrid,(Cating?)and guys... it rocks the Casbah.
I really do believe that I will marry Homeboy, but day-by-day, I am learning a new kind of surrender. I have to be ready to give him back to God, if ever he should ask for him back.
I am trusting that He will provide abundant grace and dark chocolate if ever that is asked of me.
I still love clothing.
I just do.
Now that I have re-discovered you, my old friend, I don't know if I will keep you up, or abandon you again. Knowing myself, it is likely to be the latter, but I will try.
I really have missed you.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Saturday, April 16, 2011
treasures
My closet is constantly evolving. I like to think that every piece I acquire takes me one step closer to my dream closet, but in reality I think I'm just hoarding random pieces. Whatever; it's fun. Golly, leave me alone guys.
Ahem, that being said, this is what I started hoarding this week:
This lovely dress:
These shoes: (yep, be jealous.)
And FINALLY, dun duh dun dun..... the Anthropologie Babergh dress: (!!!Yes, I'm squealing on the inside too!!!)
Meet my graduation dress. Does it rock your world like it rocks mine? I promise, it's even cooler in person. I'm planning on wearing it with those SVW heels up there and a grey crystall-y necklace (very reminiscent of Anthro's Stormy Sea bib necklace) that I found at Wallmart for $1.
I spotted this dress peeking out of the racks at NBC -I'll have to tell you about that store sometime- for $40, and though smitten, it took a bit of my mom's convincing for me to try it on. (though just a bit) Normally I would never spend that much, but my wonderful mother, and of course my father by extension, bought it for me for graduation. Same story for the shoes: with our coupon they were $30-ish at Kohls, and my grandma, and of course my grandpa by extension, very sweetly offered to buy them for me. Yes, I do have the best family in the world.
The Lauren Conrad dress was $30-ish with our coupon also and the result of 2 weeks of babysitting.
I've recently learned that my mom lets me get away with more, um, "off-beat" clothing, if I buy it myself. She described this one as "Holly Hobby". I said "thank you". Don't tell me if that wasn't an appropriate response.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
la la lovely
Has anyone heard of the Girls with Glasses?
Well I thought I should share... I can't keep this much gorgeous to myself :)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
quote day
Wow. Thank you Thomas L. Masson, whoever you are, for saying what none of the rest of us are willing to.
~yes, I ended a sentence in a preposition. My teenage rebellion is showing.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
guys
I'm an MK, or I was for the first 15 years of my life. For years I've had only a handful of friends, but they're real friends, so I can't complain. I see them about twice a year but with real friends (real= you would show up at their funerals if they died) it doesn't really matter.
Now my family is off of the mission field. I still sort of homeschool myself, but I have a few outside classes, and we go to a real church for the first time in my life. I've mostly gotten over the shock of being the only one in youth group who brings a Bible, but I still have mini-heart-attacks sometimes when I realize what the majority's opinion is on certain topics. Topics like guys.
Now my family is off of the mission field. I still sort of homeschool myself, but I have a few outside classes, and we go to a real church for the first time in my life. I've mostly gotten over the shock of being the only one in youth group who brings a Bible, but I still have mini-heart-attacks sometimes when I realize what the majority's opinion is on certain topics. Topics like guys.
I read a book by Grace Dove once called Secrets About Guys. Basically, the book outlines the way that a godly young woman ought to act in order to attract a godly young man, and that was the main problem I had with the book.
At its root this is the same issue that pops up in my sunday school class every so often, the idea that every other christian teen seems to have subscribed to. It is the belief that it is a young woman's job to find for herself the man that God has set aside for her to marry. According to this vein of thought, she must decide for herself what type of young man she would like, and then she must put herself in a place where she is most likely to meet him and act in a way most assured to attract him.
How very wrong! How very unlike what we are called to do! This idea is like a sickness!
Whose job is it to "make our paths straight"? God's. What is our job? Our job is to follow hard after God and to seek God's will for our lives; the same calling everyone has. Our job is to become more like Jesus every day.
So then what about marriage? How do I intend find my mate if I'm not looking for one? Well, I'm glad you asked! (I promise I'm almost done) If marriage is God's will for my life, which I'm assuming it is, then following God's will is the very best thing that I can do in order to meet him. It all comes down to trusting God.
It's not that absurd of an idea, is it? And yet the last few times I've played the voice of reason in my sunday school class (which I should do much more often) I've gotten nothing but blank looks.
______________________________________
So then what is the accomplished young lady to do about guys? I used to think that she ought to do nothing, and I still do, but now I understand how difficult that is.
Most of my life has been lived independent of guys. I can't pretend that I don't think about Frederick Wentworth every so often, but the idea of me in a relationship seems far away. I have few guy friends, and no real ones; I don't have a crush, or even a celebrity crush; I just don't think about guys very often. But now that I'm in classes and go to youth group and have my first few guy Facebook friends, I'm thrust into a world of insecurity. A world of wanting to be loved and admired, and wanting to do all that I can to attract the type of guy that I'd like to end up with, and any other guy that I come across for that matter.
Apparently just not thinking about guys is not going to work. I hold to the idea that dating is stealing from God the love and emotional energy that belongs to him, but the thoughts are still there.
I won't lie though, guys never notice me. Actually, never is a strong word, but barely ever, and when one finally does I'm almost offended because it's the most random, borderline-insane guy of the group. I've begun to embrace that as a blessing. I've begun to pray as I go to classes and youth group that guys would continue to ignore me, continue to find me unattractive or intimidating or whatever it is that makes them avoid me like the plague. These are my first small steps to getting my heart and mind refocused on what's important and to surrendering my right to be noticed.
If that's all a bit convoluted to you then you know exactly how I feel! but no matter what I always come back to Matt 6:33 -
"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."*
*New Living Translation
Saturday, December 25, 2010
clothes
Am I allowed to talk about clothes for a little while, as a sort of Christmas present to myself?
I have a love for fashion that is akin to my love for all things Jane Austen. When I was little all that I wanted was to fit in; as I grew that desire changed 180 degrees. For about four years there my style consisted of striped knee-high socks, platform tennis shoes, ponchos, and neon rain boots. Oh, and I cannot tell you how proud I was of my arm full of rubber bracelets! By the grace of God I think that I have finally found a happy medium. I have a new pair of flat leather boots to replace my neon rubber ones. I won't pretend that I don't still wear those striped knee-highs, but only with boots, those boots, I promise. I have given up tennis shoes entirely, in favor of my uniform of black flats, flat boots, and the occasional platform heel. I do own one poncho, but it's camel colored wool, and my ubiquitous bracelets have been exchanged for 2-3 vintage charm necklaces surgically attached to my neck. I'm still learning though. Vintage is my downfall, and I will admit that I have worn some very ridiculous things just because I loved their musty smell. The excuse "it's vintage" has ceased to work with my mother, but that's probably a good thing. She is sometimes the only thing standing between me and social ostracism.
Modesty is honestly not something I struggle with. If I were skinnier, tanner, or looked to Snookie or Fergie as my fashion icons it would be a struggle. As I am of average weight, pale as humanly possible, and am still not even sure who Snookie is or what qualifies her to sell pistachios, modesty, or as Jane Austen would say, "propriety", is second nature to me. In fact, I am a serial layerer (it's a word). I get in trouble, from my father no less, for wearing more than 10 items of clothing. Yes, it's a sickness. Don't laugh.
Clothing to me though is more than a covering, it is a statement. I routinely ask myself what I would think of my clothing if I saw it on someone else, from behind, etc.. Every outfit that I ever wear in public has been heavily edited and subjected to many hours of contemplation. (not. even. kidding.) That may seem excessive, and, in fact, it is, but I love doing it. It's a gift and a curse, but mostly a gift. My lingering insecurities must have something to do with my unreasonably picky attitude toward clothes, but I like to tell myself that it's due more to some sort of eye for my own individual style that I've acquired, and my family is nice enough not to pop my bubble.
I really acquired my style through looking through my grandma's Oprah magazines and watching What not to Wear. That would explain why I love Anne Taylor, Anthropologie, and J. Crew immensely more than Delias, Buckle, or (the BANE of my existence) Pac Sun. I steer clear of Junior's sections at all costs. I admit that I am a clothes snob, but I'm pretty nice about it. At least I don't force my rules on other people...
This is what I'm wearing today:
Christmas let me be a bit lazy, so I was less anal about this. I'm usually allergic to plaid, but maybe the trend has rubbed off on me, because this is the second plaid top I've bought this year. (that's a record)
the beginning.
The accomplished young lady as Elizabeth Bennet saw her was a "fearsome thing to behold." Perhaps something between Fanny Dashwood and Caroline Bingley; Jane Austen loved to poke fun at these pretentious women who took themselves far too seriously. I have always believed though that Jane (yes, we are absolutely on a first name basis) also quietly introduced the idea of the truly accomplished woman, the woman worth emulating. Fanny Price, Elinor Dashwood, and even Anne Elliot are heroines holy unlike the fiery and proud Elizabeth Bennet. They represent the type of women that I so wish to be: kind and principled. They make their mark on those around them in a very definite way. Throughout their journeys, each is called upon to assert her independence, yet each maintains what Isaiah 30:15 calls a quiet confidence. Fanny Price especially is my very favorite Austen heroine. She objects to Henry Crawford, ultimately not because she does not love him (though that, of course, must be a factor), but because she sees in him a weakness of character. She is kind and unselfish, but refuses to bend her morals. Her strength comes from a place much deeper than Elizabeth's obstinate stubbornness.
Now, do not misunderstand me, I love Elizabeth Bennet and Pride & Prejudice with a deep, unyielding, and sometimes obsessive passion, but when it comes to role models for my life, I cannot say that Elizabeth or really any of the Bennets but Jane qualify.
I'll take a moment now to solemnly swear not to use this blog exclusively to ramble about Jane Austen. (though I must be allowed to obsess every once in a while) Really, my purpose is to document my journey to become the accomplished young woman that I have created in my mind. Accomplishment is not a trait exclusive to Jane Austen heroines; there are plenty of biblical models such as Esther and Ruth, as well as countless strong modern-day women like Corrie Ten Boom or Amy Charmichael. And then, of course, as a lover of fashion, my list must include those women who accomplished finding their very own unique and ever-lasting style: Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Jackie Onassis, the list goes on....
This blog may be about everything, and it may be about nothing. I find that blogs work best when they are allowed to be entities of their own, set free to blossom and grow and to take on forms that the author never initially intended. It is a journey I would like to make, and I would love to have some company.
My goal: to become the well-rounded godly young women that I am called to be, to maintain excellence in all that I do, yet live with the freedom that comes from the knowledge of my His perfection, which overwhelms my depravity.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)